Cultivating balance as a mama and allowing a new sense of self to emerge
Alex with her baby growing inside as she shares her thoughts on her conscious motherhood journey
In my series on motherhood I want to portray the diversity of the motherhood experience and what it means to be a mother now. I’m interested in telling stories through other mamas to give insight into their approach to motherhood, be it their struggles, triumphs, their deepest feelings, how they have evolved and grown, perhaps how they raise their children connected to nature and live with a light footprint or how they approach mothering consciously.
I want to portray the essence of motherhood in every family’s unique language. There is value in opening a dialogue and worth in sharing perspectives, thoughts, fears and dreams and in allowing ourselves to honour our children's innate natures and supporting ourselves as mamas.
Today I am sharing a beautiful, heartfelt story by Alex. She lives in Christchurch, New Zealand with her lovely wee family of four and about to become five any day.
All photos by Charlotte, Olive & Pop
Alex in the hills as she shares her tips for self care and balance as a mama
My whānau is loving and fun and we live in a bubble of gratitude for the life we have. My husband, Tim, is equal parts dependable and fun, then we have our daughter Ayla who is 3.5, our son Albie who is 2, and any day now we will complete our family with this beautiful little soul growing in my belly!
Tim and I possess very different traits that, combined, create great balance and harmony. Our children are an amazing amalgamation of the two of us and I’m awed at how organically this has happened! Ayla has a strong backbone with the softest heart. She oozes empathy and is also not afraid to tell us what she wants and needs. Albie will change the world with his deep, wise brown eyes and his loving smile. He is fun and curious and gives the BEST cuddles!
I would describe this season of mothering young toddlers as a constant dance between chaos and calm. There are so many moments, every day, that challenge my inner perfectionist and really test my limits - the mess, the noise, the constant needs, the emotions. Equally, there are so many moments of ease and beauty - the morning cuddles, the slow quiet time doing crafts together, and the regenerating time we spend outdoors in nature and at the beach.
Motherhood feels like a constant journey of self development! I’ve experienced so much growth in my few years of motherhood, and I continue to uncover and learn new things about myself every day - it’s an amazing opportunity if you’re willing to lean in! It’s raw, it’s messy, it’s “warts and all” - it’s a real human experience and for that it is beautiful.
The fact that I can empower my children to see the beauty in the world is so exciting to me. I get to help them to notice, to cultivate, and to be the good. It’s amazingly powerful.
Tim and I have always said that as long as our tamariki act with kindness and respect then we will be proud. We try to always encourage kindness and acceptance - to ourselves, to each other, and to the community around us.
I always pictured my life with kids in it. After many years travelling and being young, wild and free I found myself with a super strong draw to be nurturing…this is when I knew I was ready to be a Māma.
My hope is that I can always be a place if refuge and safety for my children. I hope to play the role of listener, encourager, and a source of unconditional love
I hope that my children get to witness the beauty in the diversity of this world. Different sights, sounds, smells, languages. I truly believe that these cross cultural experiences are what remind us of humanity’s deep interconnectedness. I also hope that they will get to experience sheer joy, freedom, and most importantly - love.
Mum guilt to me is the little voice inside my head that questions whether I am doing enough and doing right by my children. I know deep down it is my ego wanting to be the perfect mum (who doesn’t exist), so I do my best to release the unhelpful thoughts and guilt pretty quickly as it doesn’t serve any of us. We’re all doing the best we can.
The biggest challenge that comes with motherhood for me is the constant pull for my attention. I’m a person who thrives from quiet alone time, and who finds her energy and through solitude and independent adventure. When I don’t have this it manifests as physical and emotional stress for me - but I’ve managed to refine my restorative practices so that I can weave them in to my busy Mumlife days. What’s beautiful about this is the cubs witness it and join in too!
When my babies were born a felt a rush of elation and awe for the female body, for birth, and for new life. We humans are incredible miracles and nothing displays this more than pregnancy/birth. I had home births with both of my babies and I felt so powerful through these. I was born again when they were.
On the phrase “it takes a village”…I couldn’t agree more. This phrase evokes feelings of grief for me - both on a personal and societal level. My husband and I don’t have a lot of help and so we are raising cubs, holding down jobs, and creating a life for ourselves all without support - which can be exhausting at times. I’m so proud of us though. On a macro scale, I mourn the loss of the celebration and care of new mothers by their village and wish so much that this could be featured more in our western society.
As they grow, I hope that our generation of children find balance and equilibrium between their inner and outer worlds. Less screen time and more nature, human connection, and community is my dream. As well as radical open mindedness and acceptance.
I know that my children learn best through witnessing how my husband and I exist in the world. When it comes to supporting them to develop a sense of self and worth, and to express and manage their emotions, I always try to role model how I’d love them to do this. I will never make negative comments about my image in front of them, and I try to be raw and real about how I’m feeling and what I need. As a yoga and wellness teacher I love showing them the best ways I know to regulate and soothe myself when my emotions are big and heavy.
I grew up in Liverpool, UK until I was 14. My parents separated when I was four so I spent time between them both, as well as a lot of time with my grandparents. At 14 my world was uprooted when my Mum, my Brother and I emigrated to NZ. My world shifted from one of roaming the concrete streets with my friends after school to hanging at the beach or in the hills, and from attending a strict convent school to thriving in a relaxed, co-ed school full of surfers. Such a shift!! I am so so grateful my kids will only know the latter lifestyle.
My experience of being a child is quite eclectic. My mum had me very young and was still studying when I was a baby. She then became a solo mum and reliant on a full time income, and my Dad was in the same situation. Due to this they introduced many parent figures in my life to support us. I spent lots of time with grandparents and had an awesome nanny for a while, we also had Au pairs and overseas students staying with us. It was always fun and interesting, perhaps a little uncertain and ungrounding at times, but I never doubted that I was loved. In terms of how this informs how I raise my children - I do aim to give them a little more stability and dependability, but I’m keen to try and keep the fun and diversity in there too!
My sense of self has shifted completely since having children. It is probably stronger than ever - because my children have helped to bring out all parts of me - those I like and those I’m more challenged by. It is also more defined because I know I have to show up for them - and to do that to the best of my ability I have to keep doing the inner work. I do more meditating and journaling now than ever before.
I am SO passionate about practical ways to cultivate balance in this season. So much so that I created a business around it to empower other mummas and busy women to do the same! Some of my favourites are: yoga, meditation, breathwork, journaling, time in nature, and creating/enjoying slow, nutritious food.
Alex sharing her thoughts on rituals and self care as a mama